When I'm Gone
by tragic-bliss
Summary: Will Ryan let his past stand between him and the women he loves and will she forgive him when he does the unthinkable? RL chap. 4 up
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the OC and how exactly does one go about owning a whole county? The lyrics belong to Three Doors Down.

Author's Notes: Finally the months long writer's block is over. Yay! I really am not quite sure where this story is going, but it should be interesting. Hopefully I'll be able to update within the next few days, but because I'm taking classes six days a week I can't promise anything. Enjoy the story and don't forget to review 

When I'm Gone

Chapter 1

__

There's another world inside of me

That you may never see

There's secrets in this life that I can't hide

That I can't hide

"No," Ryan told Lindsey and gave her a I-don't-won't-to-talk-about-this look. Anyone else would have stopped, but Lindsey was damn stubborn and they both knew that she wouldn't stop until she had gotten the whole explanation. She was tired of his superhero crap.

"Why won't you take me?" Lindsey argued back. She was not going to let him drop this. She didn't know if she could marry a man who kept his past from her.

"I don't want to," Ryan dodged and continued packing his overnight duffle.

She had hoped it wouldn't come to this. She had hoped he would let her in. She sat down on the other side of the bed and wiggled a diamond ring off her finger. Tears were falling from her eyes. Ryan stopped his packing and watched her backside. She put the ring in the palm of her hand and walked over to Ryan.

"Then I don't want this anymore," She handed him the ring and Ryan watched her leave. He wished it could be easier. He put the ring in his jean pocket, slung his bag over his shoulder, and shut the door on their future.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry, about the technical errors in the last chapter. Enjoy!

When I'm Gone

Chapter 2

Somewhere in this darkness

There's a light that I can't find

Maybe it's too far away…

Maybe I'm just blind….

Ryan Atwood stared straight ahead of him at the seemingly never ending highway in front of him, but his mind was far from the road and his ever approaching destination. He hadn't meant to hurt Lindsey. All he wanted to do was protect her, but he had ended up screwing up the second best thing to ever happen to him. He didn't want her to see him when, he did what he knew he had to do.

It was his duty. Theresa had been his best friend. God knew that she had saved his life too many times to count and it killed him that he hadn't been able to save hers. For so many years she had been the only the good thing in his life. Literally the reason he got up in the morning.

It just didn't seem real.

He thought back to that day.

"Come on, you have to try this," Ryan prodded his fiancée as he finished up some guacamole for their dinner.

"I'm reading," Lindsey stubbornly insisted from the couch. Ryan knew that it was just a ploy. She loved Ryan, but her completive streak refused to allow her to admit that Ryan was a better cook.

Ryan took his finger stuck it into the bowl and headed out to the livening room with the green goop on his finger and a mischievous grin on his face, "Then I'll just bring it you," He leaned over the couch and held over his finger to her. She licked it and gagged as the phone rang.

"Sorry, still don't like it," Lindsey said through coughs as she made her way over to the refrigerator and Ryan answered the phone with a grin on his face.

Lindsey retrieved a water from the fridge and tried to get the foul, bland taste out of her mouth. She looked back over to Ryan, he was still on the phone, but the smile was gone, "When did it happen?" He asked the person on the other line. Lindsey moved towards him, worried and curious at the same time.

"Jesus," Ryan swore. Ryan never swore.

"Do they know who did it?" Ryan asked as his voice faltered in a way Lindsey had never seen.

"Um, yeah I'll be there," Ryan replied, "Thanks, man," Ryan hung up the phone and Lindsey was a timid arms length away.

"Who was it?" Lindsey asked.

"Eddie," Ryan numbly answered, "Theresa's dead,"


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: Thanks to Stealth who reviewed the last chapter! I should be getting into the meat of the story next chapter. Also, I've decided to make it a tad bit AU. As in, Eddie never hit Theresa last season and they got married. I might write a story later to explain it all, let me know what you think. Please review! Enjoy!

When I'm Gone

Chapter 3

Maybe I'm just blind….

The blaring of an angry horn jerked Lindsey from her thoughts and altered her that the light had turned green. She switched her foot from the brake to the gas and made her way through the intersection and farther down Macarthur. She was vaguely aware that there was no band of metal on her ring finger to contact the steering wheel. She took a left at the next intersection.

The tears came. She took one hand off of the steering wheel and tried to brush them away. She didn't need this now. She didn't need to crash. If she crashed maybe Ryan would come back.

He had been gone a week now. He hadn't called. Hadn't made any move to contact her in anyway. Not that she had. She had decided the night he left that he was going through a lot right now and so she was going to give him his space. Easier said than done.

The thing that annoyed her the most about Ryan was his tendency to remove her from his past. When they had first started planning the wedding she had asked him if he wanted any of his Chino friends to be involved. Hannah Cody, Lindsey's best friend from grade school was going to be her maid of honor, so she figured that Ryan would someone from his pre-Newport his days to at least be present. He told her that he hadn't kept in touch with any of them

Then the Christmas card came.

Lindsey knocked twice on the door in front of her and waited for it to be opened and suddenly felt foolish for even standing there. All she knew about the person that lived behind the door was that her name Theresa Devalos, she lived in Chino, and had been close enough to her fiancé to send him a Christmas card that Ryan had hid from Lindsey and that Lindsey had found the envelope for and had map quested the return address for.

The door opened and reveled a gorgeous girl with long, dark wavy hair. Why did Lindsey always feel so intimidated when she met one of Ryan's ex-girlfriends?

"Can I help you?" Theresa asked obviously a little surprised to see a complete stranger on her door step.

"I'm Lindsey…I'm Ryan Atwood's fiancée…You do know Ryan Atwood, right?…I mean I didn't drive all the way out here to just make a fool out of myself," Lindsey stumbled through, "Which I am so totally doing…I'm really sorry…I'm just gonna go now,"

"No, it's ok," The other women said quickly and gently, "I've known Ryan since I was eight years old. He's a great guy isn't he?"


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes: Special thanks to TheOCFanactic2005, Emily, and of course, Stealth, for reviewing! Your feedback means a lot to me. I was actually thinking about discontinuing the story because I didn't even know if anyone was reading and then you guys came through. So, thanks! I went with the flashback method again, but this time it's in the beginning and takes place farther in the past. Don't forget to review, it's the only way I know people are reading! Enjoy!

When I'm Gone

Chapter 4

So hold when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

And love me when I'm gone

Twelve year old Ryan Atwood was sitting in the passenger seat of his brother's car when Trey came back madder than Ryan could ever remember seeing him. Trey's blue eyes were burning with rage when he jerked open the driver's side door and slammed into the driver's seat

"What happened?" Ryan asked his brother, wishing he knew first hand. Trey never let Ryan come into the houses with him. Said Ryan was too little. Ryan wasn't too little. Rod, his mom's current boyfriend, had said he could help on the construction site once school let out for the summer. He smoked cigarettes. He'd even had sex. Of course, he didn't see what the big deal was, but he'd had sex and that made him a man.

"You know that bastard Julio Vargas?" Trey asked hatred spilling out with his words. Ryan had never meant Julio, but he had heard Trey and other members of his crew talk about him, so Ryan nodded, "He-" Trey started and then seemed to remember that he was talking to his kid brother. Ryan hated it when he did that, "He hurt Jessica real bad. She's just a damn kid, fuckin' bastard!" Trey swore, Trey always swore around Ryan, but always yelled at Ryan when he did the same.

"Is he in jail?" Ryan asked his big brother innocently. He knew Jessica. She was Trey's friend, Raymond's, little sister. She was an eighth grader, but was always nice to Ryan.

"Hell no!" Trey exclaimed, as if Ryan had asked him if the sun was blue, "The police don't care about people like us. We have to take justice into our own hands. If someone hurts someone you care about, you have to punish them yourself. Remember that, little brother, if anyone ever lays their hand on someone you care about it's up to you to take care of it,"

-

Ten years later his brother's words still rang true in his head. It had been over a week since Theresa was shot to death in front of her own house. The police had yet to arrest anyone. Ryan doubted if they ever would, so it was up to him to take care of the person who had killed the girl who had been his lifeline for so many years.

Inside his car Ryan loaded the Saturday Night Special he had purchased the day before, with the money he had received after pawning Lindsey's ring. It wasn't something he had wanted, but he doubted after he did what he was going to do, that Lindsey would even want to marry him anymore.

That task accomplished. He exited the car and entered the darkened Riverside Park. No kids were playing now. No kids ever entered the park after the sun went down. After dark Riverside Park was where the big boys played.

Ryan cut through one of the park's many grassy areas, heading toward where Trey had told him his targets would be.

Luckily, Ryan spotted Juan Dominguez and his posse before they could see him in the streaks of light cast by an overhead street lamp. He quickly retreated behind a brick restroom building that was just in firing rang of the gathering gang.

Ryan didn't hear the nearing footsteps as he prepared himself for his first shot. This wasn't his first time using a handgun. His dad, a gun nut, had thought Ryan and Trey how to shoot years ago, but that had always been old beer cans and there was that one time they went to an actual firing rang. Ryan had never tried to or actually shot a real live person. He'd never had the need. Until now.

He leaned from out behind the wall and put the head of the nearest thug in his line of fire, just as his dad had told him. For a second he couldn't pull the trigger and then the sight of Theresa laying dead on the sidewalk flashed in his eyes and he let the bullet go. The bastard fell to the ground.

Now he was in the moment.

"Ryan!" Ryan turned towards the sound of his name that come through the darkness outside of the glow of the lamps. It took him a second to pinpoint the voice. It took the same amount of time for his happy finger to pull the trigger and send bullet at the voice.

Lindsey!


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Notes: Sorry, this took me so long to get out, but I was having a really hard time with this chapter and I'm still not that happy with it, but oh well. I have spring break next week (yay!), but that of course means that this weeks I have two quizzes, an exam, a lab practicum, and a paper due. So nice reviews will make my day! And to my fateful reviewers:

Steph: Yes, she did still have the baby, but since her and Eddie got married Ryan never went to Chino.

Stealth: Yes, I am insane and you are way too nice! It is really hard to find an RL story because a lot of people just don't include her.

Emily: Yeah, I can't wait to know what happens either. LOL

Leentje: Your review made me smile! Yes, the bullet did hit her, but I'm not telling if she surrives or not.

Brightest Firefly: It's kinda explained in this chapter, but if you want more info let me know.

When I'm Gone

Chapter 5

Everything I am

And everything in me

Wants to be

The one you wanted me to be

Fifteen year old Theresa Montez was soaked, but she was actually enjoying herself. She loved the rain. She loved prancing in the puddles. She never stayed inside on a rainy day. She couldn't, much to her mother's dismay. Which was why, she was now walking home from school with her best friend Ryan Atwood in tow.

"Wimp," She said gently nudging her shivering friend with benefits. Ryan and her were pretty much opposites in every way personality wise. Theresa was bubbly and optimistic, while Ryan was broody and realistic. They were the yang to each other's yin.

She loved Ryan just as much as she loved rain. She grabbed his hand. She didn't know if he loved her, but she always felt safe around him. He smiled at her, his hair firmly plastered to his forehead and the sides of his face. She laughed.

Suddenly a beat up old pickup slowed down to their speed. The passenger window rolled down. Theresa had never seen the truck or the guy with the goatee who was driving it. She hid behind Ryan.

"Hey Ryan," The driver who obviously knew Ryan called out through the open window, "You want a ride?"

Ryan looked at Theresa who simply looked at him through the droplets of water streaming down her face, "Yeah sure,"

The passenger side door opened. Ryan moved out of the way so Theresa could climb in. She was hesitant at first, but Ryan always looked out for her, so if he thought that this guy was safe, then the guy had to be safe. She climbed in and moved down the bench seat so she was sitting next to the driver. He was pretty cute .

Ryan climbed in behind her and shut the door on the pouring rain, "This is Arturo's younger sister, Theresa," Ryan introduced. She understood now, Ryan ran around with Turo and his crowd, but Theresa was never allowed. Not that she really wanted to. Those guys were a bunch of pigs.

"I'm Eddie," He told her as he introduced himself and flashed what had to be his biggest smile. She smiled right back at him.

-

As soon as she was on the ground, Eddie scooped her up into his arms and ran toward the parking lot where his truck was parked. He'd known the girl, Lindsey, for not even an hour, but since she was Ryan's girl and had come to Chino asking for Eddie's help in finding Ryan (just like Eddie had done himself when Theresa ran off to Newport) and then there was also the fact that if anything like this ever happened to one of his little girls, heaven forbid, he would hope that someone would do the same.

He reached his truck as more gunfire breached the night. The Atwood brothers were having a ball. Trey he could see doing something as messed up as taking on a bunch gangsters. Not Ryan. He pushed the thoughts out of his mind. He had to get Lindsey to a hospital. And fast.

"I'm going to put you on the ground now, ok?" He asked her gingerly and she nodded, "It's just going to be until I open up the door," he didn't want to put her down, but he couldn't think of another way to unlock the truck.

He gently set her on the ground into a sitting position. He quickly realized that she was way too weak to support herself on her own. So he sat down behind her and used his body to support her. He took his keys out of his pocket and reached up to unlock it.

That done he scooped her up again, tried best as he cold to open the passenger door without moving her too much, and then laid her down on the truck bench as gently as he would his four month old.

Eddie climbed into the driver's seat and moved Lindsey gently again so her head was in his lap, he thought that she'd be more comfortable if her head was raised. He could hear her breathing grow more labored. She was fading fast. He had to do something.

Without putting too much thought into it, he took off his jacket and placed it over her abdominal wound.

"Can you make sure that Ryan doesn't get in trouble for this?" Lindsey weakly asked of Eddie, as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"He shot you," Eddie explained as he pulled out of the parking lot and went onto the main park road at a speed it had never experienced before, "He shot other people, maybe even killed them. I know that Ryan's a good person, but he has to pay for what he did," He exited the park and pulled out onto the main drag, going a good deal over the speed limit.

"He didn't mean it," Lindsey softly explained, "It was just an accident," Her voice trailed. He looked down at her, her eyelids were fluttering shut. Eddie began to panic. She couldn't die. There was already too much death.

Sirens wailed through the cab of the truck and lights flashed.

"Shit!" He muttered as he pulled over.


End file.
